Himpunan Forwarding Email

WISHING YOU THE VERY BEST IN
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¨°º¤ø„¸ HaPpY ¸„ø¤º°¨
¸„ø¤º°¨ NeW yEaR``°º¤ø„¸
¸„ø¤º ``°º¤ø„¸ ¤ø„¸¨°º¤ø„¸¸„

A clip from the British Got Talent show:

Matrix 4 starring George W Bush.

A New Year greeting cards from my friend Kak Kam.

The Hijri year is now 1430. 1st Muharram 1430 is on 29 December 2008.


The coming new year is 2009.

This is actually a ceiling advertisement from Thailand.

What to do when your tyre blown up?

Do not panic. All you have to do are only these three things:

1. Hold your steering wheel firmly and maintained control.
2. Take your foot off the accelerator without touching the break paddle.
3. Let the vehicle slow down gradually.
   

Funny game here...
This game is to test how fast is your reaction...

here is the game: Play Now

How to play: Click the dart button when you see the sheep trying to escape...

here is my result:
average time is 01.80 seconds
rank is Rocketing Rabbit

:D

singgah bermalam rhomah pak ude
masak lah nasi sayo keladi
singgah bermalam rhomah pak ude
makan lah nasi sayo keladi
bior pape asal bergaye
asaikan senang di dalam hati.
bior pape asal bergaye
asaikan senang di dalam hati

peram peram pisang
pisang masak layu
jatuh dalam kubang
sambo bapak yu
umbut umbut nyior
belalang kedek kedek
sape buat hingor
rhongtu kena cubit

dari lambo pegi ke bote
singgah bermalam rhomah wan lebo
dari lambo pegi ke bote
singgah bermalam rhomah wan lebo
hajat hati minang anak dare
dapat lah jande rambut nya gugo
hajat hati minang anak dare
dapat lah janda rambut nya gugo

peram peram pisang
pisang masak layu
jatuh dalam kubang
sambo bapak yu
umbut umbut nyior
belalang kedek kedek
sape buat hingor
rhongtu kena cubit

trojun dari gotak bote
dapat sebiji doyan dah mangkor
trojun dari gotak bote
dapat sebiji doyan dah mangkor
disangkakan ayor dalam belake
jatuh tejombab di ateih pasor
disangkakan ayor dalam belake
jatuh tejombab di ateih pasor

peram peram pisang
pisang masak layu
jatuh dalam kubang
sambo bapak yu
umbut umbut nyior
belalang kedek kedek
sape buat hingor
rhongtu kena cubit

dari lambo pergi ke bote
singgah bermalam rhomah wan lebo
dari lambo pergi ke bote
singgah bermalam rhomah wan lebo
hajat hati minang anak dare
dapat lah jande rhambut nya gugo
hajat hati minang anak dare
dapat lah janda rambut nya gugo

peram peram pisang
pisang masak layu
jatuh dalam kubang
sambo bapak yu
umbut umbut nyior
belalang kedek kedek
sape buat hingor
rhongtu kena cubit

DOWNLOAD LAGU

Love is holding hands in the street.
Marriage is holding arguments in the street.

Love is dinner for 2 in your favorite restaurant.
Marriage is a take home packet.

Love is cuddling on a sofa.
Marriage is one of them sleeping on a sofa.

Love is talking about having children.
Marriage is talking about getting away from children.

Love is going to bed early.
Marriage is going to sleep early.

Love is a romantic drive.
Marriage is arrive on tops curvy tarmac .

Love is losing your appetite.
Marriage is losing your figure.

Love is sweet nothing in the ear.
Marriage is sweet nothing in the bank.

Tv has no place in love.
Marriage is a fight for remote control.

Love is 1 drink and 2 straws.
Marriage is "Don't you think you've had enough!".

Conclusion: "Love is blind, Marriage is an eye opener!"

Click image to view larger:

Please note that another name for Lady's Finger (Bhindi ) is " OKRA ".

Last month in one of TV program I learnt of a treatment of Sugar (Diabetes).

Since I am diabetic, I tried it and it was very useful and my Sugar level is in control now.
In fact I have already reduced my medicine. Take two pieces of Lady Finger (Bhindi) and remove/cut both ends of each piece.

Also put a small cut in the middle and put these two pieces in a glass of water. Cover the glass and keep it at room temperature during night. Early morning, before breakfast simply remove two pieces of lady finger (bhindi) from the glass and drink that water.
Keep doing it on daily basis.

Within two weeks, you will see remarkable results in reduction of your SUGAR.

My sister has got rid of her diabetes. She was on Insulin for a few years, but after taking the lady fingers every morning for a few months, she has stopped Insulin but continues to take the lady fingers every day.

But she chops the lady fingers into fine pieces in the night, adds the water and drinks it all up the next morning.

Please. try it as it will not do you any harm even if it does not do much good to you, but you have to keep taking it for a few months before you see results, as most cases might be chronic.

Cerite brmula d satu station minyak. D station minyak nie ada 2 org pekerja bangla yg tau cakap melayu skit, omputih skit & bahasa bangla yg sememangnye dia pro. Sorg tu namanye Majid & seorg lg namanye Iqbal.

Pd satu arie berhenti sebuah kete mewah, mercedes utk mengisi minyak. Pemandu kete tu seorg Pak Arab. Kebetulan pula minyak d pam minyak tu dah abis, nie yg membuatkan Iqbal poning kepalo nak bgtau pd Pak Arab tu yg minyak dah abih. Pak Arab tu lak tak tau sepatah haram bahasa melayu, cuma tau omputih skit & bahasa arabnye ler..

Iqbal bgtau PakArab tu sambil menyebut "fuel" & dsusuli gerakan memusingkan tangan menandakan minyak abih, tapi Pak Arab tu ternganga tak paham. Iqbal coba lg sekali dgn menyebut "fuel" & disusuli gerakan memusingkan kepala, tapi Pak Arab tu ternganga luas tak paham!!..

Iqbal tak tau nak wat camner..dia pon gi kat Majid utk menerangkan situasi sebenar. Mereka bercakap dlm bahasa bangla, & bunyiknye cam nie..

Iqbal: Majid, tolong aku majid, Pak Arab tu tak tau minyak dah abih..
Majid: ala...ko cakap je la..minyak dah abih..
Iqbal: dah cakap dah, tapi dier tak paham...aku lak, tak tau cakap omputih.. Yes , No, Alrite & I lap U tau ler..
Majid: Aku pun tak tau gak cakap omputih...
Iqbal: ala..ko tolong ler aku..
Majid: ok...aku tau sikit-sikit cakap arab..

Lalu pergi la..si Majid kat Pak Arab tu & dgn selamba dek..nye berkata;
"Fuel!, Sodoqallah'hul..azim",

baruler..Pak Arab tu paham & teros blahhh..

Terima kasih kepada saudari Kin kerana sudi memberi saya duit raya ini. Semoga tahun depan, saudari Kin dapat memberikan saya duit raya yang sebenarnya... :D



SUMBER

This is a gift from my friend Puteri Adiwarna as a friendship symbol.

Thanks...

Gift Page

Click image to view larger:

A trophy from my friend to me... :D
Thank you...

Award Page

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DOWNLOAD SEKARANG

This is for you, and for you to share with your wife, your children, everyone you know.

After reading these 9 crucial tips, forward them to someone you care about. It never hurts to be careful in this crazy world we live in.

1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do
The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough to use it, do!

2. Learned this from a tourist guide in New Orleans
If a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. Toss it away from you....chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or purse than you,and he will go for the wallet/purse. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!

3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car,kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy. The driver won't see you, but everybody else will. This has saved lives.

4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping, eating, working, etc., and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc. DON'T DO THIS!)
The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side, put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go.

AS SOON AS YOU GET INTO YOUR CAR , LOCK THE DOORS AND LEAVE.

If someone is in the car with a gun to your head
DO NOT DRIVE OFF, repeat: DO NOT DRIVE OFF!
Instead gun the engine and speed into anything, wrecking the car. Your Air Bag will save you. If the person is in the back seat they will get the worst of it. As soon as the car crashes bail out and run. It is better than having them find your body in a remote location.

5. A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage:
A.) Be aware:
look around you, look into your car, at the passenger side floor, and in the back seat

B.) If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door.
Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars.

C.) Look at the car parked on the driver's side of your vehicle, and the passenger side.. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard/policeman to walk you back out.

IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY.
(And better paranoid than dead.)

6. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs.
(Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot. This is especially true at NIGHT!)

7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control,
ALWAYS RUN!
The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times; And even then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN, Preferably in a zig -zag pattern!

8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic:
STOP
It may get you raped, or killed.
Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women.
He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked 'for help' into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim.

9. Another Safety Point:
Someone just told me that her friend heard a crying baby on her porch the night before last, and she called the police because it was late
and she thought it was weird. The police told her

'Whatever you do, DO NOT open the door.'

The lady then said that it sounded like the baby had crawled near a window, and she was worried that it would crawl to the street and get run over.
The policeman said, 'We already have a unit on the way, whatever you do, DO NOT open the door.'
He told her that they think a serial killer has a baby's cry recorded and uses it to coax women out of their homes thinking that someone
dropped off a baby He said they have not verified it, but have had several calls by women saying that they hear baby's cries outside their doors
when they're home alone at night.

Please pass this on and DO NOT open the door
for a crying baby ----

This e-mail should be taken seriously because the Crying Baby theory was mentioned on America 's Most Wanted this past Saturday when they profiled the serial killer in Louisiana.

Laughter is the biological reaction of humans to moments or occasions of humor: an outward expression of amusement. Laughter is subcategorised into various groupings depending upon the extent and pitch of the laughter: giggles, clicks (which can be almost silent), chortles, chuckles, hoots, cackles, sniggers and guffaws are all types of laughter. Smiling is a mild silent form of laughing
 
 
Hellooww...
Nama wa Wong Ah Beng.
Wa seekor kucing yang pandai menekan2 keybod untuk memblogging.
Disamping itu, wa jua adalah seekor kucing ahbeng.
Hali ini hali Selasa. Hali ini, wa ingin belcelita mengenai jenis-jenis gelak ketawa di alam cyber, especially chatting. Pada pemelhatian wa, mendapati terdapat belbagai macam jenis ketawa. Ini adalah bagus kelana disamping boleh berhibur, kita jua boleh meng-stereotype- kan seseolang itu berdasarkan cala2 dia gelak. Belikut wa telah mengkategorikan jenis2 ketawa:
 
Gelak Boring -> "hehehhehe" atau "hahahaha"
Ini jenis gelak biasa sahaja. Tiada apa-apa yang spesyial. Kemungkinan besar ini orang talak kleatif punya olang kelana menggunakan jenis gelak yang normal.

Gelak Jahat -> "buahahahahah" atau "muahahahha"
Ini gelak seling digunakan oleh meleka2 yang di dalam evil mode. Untuk lelaki yang gelak sedemikian lupa, meleka adalah sememangnya olang jahat. Bagi polumpuan pula, melambangkan meleka adalah polumpuan yg tiada sifat2 lemah lembut lakyat Asia kelana gelak selupa ini maciam talak sopan.

Gelak Mengekek -> "kekekekeke"
Wa jamin awek2 yg gelak mengekek adalah talak cun. Wa punya teori simple sahaja: Boleh kah lu imagine Erra Fazira, Angelina Jolie, atau Jessica Alba gelak mengekek? Macam tak masuk akal kan? Adalah lebih mudah untuk meng-imagine polumpuan2 tembams atau gemuk yang tiada rupa gelak secara mengekek, lebih logik.

Gelak Mewah -> "hohoho" atau "huwargh huwargh huwargh"
Lelaki yang gemar gelak sebegini selalunya adalah meleka2 boroi dan baru lepas kekenyangan makanan. Kemungkinan jua mereka ini manyiak duit kelana ini maciam punya gelak ada selupa gelak olang2 kaya jua. Samada mewah perut atau mewah wallet. Untuk pelempuan pula, adalah tidak elok gelak ini maciam kelana "hohoho" adalah jua di-pronounce as "whore-whore- whore". Whore belmaksud sundal.

Gelak Mengukui -> "kui kui kui"
Selalunya mamat atau minah yang akan buat lawak tak kelaka pastuh gelak sendiri style maciam ini laa..Most of the time adalah disebabkan gelak nak cover malu kelana meleka sedar lawak meleka talak kelaka pun.

Gelak Cas Ayu -> "hihihihi"
Polumpuan yg gelak begini adalah meleka yang cas-cas ayu dan penuh sopan kesantunan. Konon-konon macam gelak malu2 laa ghitu. Tetapi jikalau ada lelaki yg gelak sebegini pula, adalah kelana meleka itu dali kalangan lelaki sotong.

Gelak Mengengeh -> "ngeh ngeh ngeh"
Konon cheeky laa sangat gelak ini maciam...!! Kebiasaannya meleka ini takder laa cheeky sangat pun but trying to be cheeky and stuffs laa konon. Perhaps they are. Perhaps they are not. Most of the time...lanjiao lu!

Gelak bangsat -> "ngeahahahah"
Sesiapa yang gelak sebegini adalah bangsat jua..

Kesimpulannya, sewaktu chatting, gunakanlah jenis2 gelak yang bersesuaian sama jiwa anda. Contohnya, jikalau lu awek cun, cubalah hindarkan dari gelak mengekek tak tentu pasal untuk mengelakkan salahsangka olang ingat lu talak cun. cukuplah sekadar menggunakan icon2 senyuman seperti :) atau :D lebih sopan. Tetapi sekilanya lu memang talak cun, adalah dibenarkan lu mengekek.

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Oleh Prof Madya Dr Abdul Rashid Ahmad

LIDAH adalah alat komunikasi penting dalam menjalin hubungan mesra antara masyarakat manusia di dunia. Ia juga untuk menyebar ilmu dan banyak lagi manfaat lain. Sebaliknya, lidah boleh jadi bahaya, kerana boleh digunakan untuk memecah belahkan masyarakat, memfitnah, mencaci, mengumpat dan sebagainya.

Justeru, Islam memberi perhatian serius terhadap penjagaan lidah. Peri pentingnya penjagaan lidah itu sehingga Rasulullah SAW bersabda yang bermaksud: “Siapa diam dia berjaya†(Hadis riwayat al-Tirmizi)

Pada waktu lain Baginda SAW memberi jaminan kepada orang yang sanggup menjaga lidahnya. Sabda Baginda SAW yang bermaksud: “Sesiapa yang boleh memberi jaminan kepadaku apa yang ada antara misai dan janggutnya dan apa yang ada antara dua pahanya, aku jamin baginya syurga.†(Hadis riwayat al-Bukhari)

Al-Quran mengingatkan bahawa setiap ucapan yang diucapkan seseorang tidak akan terlepas daripada catatan malaikat-Nya. Allah berfirman yang bermaksud: “Tiada suatu ucapan pun yang diucapkannya melainkan ada di dekatnya malaikat pengawas yang selalu hadir.†(Surah Qaf, ayat 18)

Antara keburukan lidah ialah bercakap perkara yang tidak berfaedah, tidak baik, mengucapkan kata keji, mencaci, mencarut, menghina, membuka rahsia orang, mengumpat dan perbuatan negatif lain yang tidak sepatutnya.

Mereka yang mengetahui nilai masa serta umur tidak akan membiarkan diri menggunakan lidah untuk berkata perkara tidak mendatangkan faedah, kemarahan orang lain atau menyebabkan perbalahan sesama manusia.

Diriwayatkan bahawa Luqmanul Hakim pernah ditanya: “Apa rahsia kebijaksanaanmu? Jawabnya: Aku tidak bercakap perkara yang tidak memberi faedah kepadaku. Kata Luqman lagi: Diam itu bijaksana, tetapi sedikit pelakunya.â€

Sewajarnya lidah digunakan untuk memberitahu atau mengajak orang lain kepada kebaikan dengan memberi nasihat serta menegur sahabat jika mereka melakukan perkara mungkar supaya segera kembali ke pangkal jalan.

Sebaliknya, mengeji, mencaci dan mencarut adalah perkara yang dilarang Islam dan mereka yang melakukan perkara itu dengan lidahnya wajib bertaubat serta memohon maaf kepada mereka yang disakitinya.

Selain itu, menghina orang lain termasuk keburukan lidah yang patut dijauhi, kerana ia boleh merosakkan hubungan mesra dan harmoni antara anggota masyarakat. Paling buruk tindakan lidah ini dalam konteks Islam ialah mengumpat.

Allah Taala mengumpamakan pengumpat itu sebagai pemakan daging saudaranya yang sudah mati. Firman Allah yang bermaksud: “Dan janganlah mengumpat satu sama lain. Adakah seorang di antara kamu yang suka memakan daging saudaranya yang sudah mati? Maka tentulah kamu berasa jijik kepadanya dan bertakwalah kepada Allah. Sesungguhnya Allah Maha Penerima Taubat lagi Maha Penyayang.†(Surah al-Hujurat, ayat 12)

Mengumpat ialah menyebut di belakang saudaramu sesuatu yang tidak disukainya, sama ada kekurangan itu pada fizikalnya, keturunannya, peri lakunya, pakaiannya atau sebagainya.

Berdasarkan pengertian ini, jika kita tidak menjaga betul-betul lidah, maka rata-rata kita tidak terlepas daripada dosa mengumpat. Pada hal dosa itu tidak akan diampun Allah jika tuannya tidak memaafkannya lebih dulu.

Umumnya masyarakat kita kurang memberi perhatian serius terhadap amalan mengumpat yang kesannya akan menyebabkan berlaku pergaduhan, saling tuduh menuduh dan memburukkan orang lain dengan perkara mengaibkan.

Namun, ulama menyenaraikan beberapa kelonggaran yang mengizinkan kita menyebut kekurangan orang lain di belakangnya iaitu tidak dikira dosa. Ia termasuk beberapa keadaan berikut:

• Apabila seseorang itu dizalimi, maka dia dibolehkan menceritakan kezaliman ke atasnya kepada pihak yang bertanggungjawab;
• Apabila hendak mendapat fatwa atau mengetahui hukum sesuatu;
• Apabila ingin memberi peringatan kepada orang lain;
• Apabila seseorang itu dikenali dengan gelaran itu secara menyeluruh; dan
• Apabila ia terkenal dengan jahatnya.

Adalah seorang hamba Allah ni, dia pergilah bersiar-siar di tepi hutan. Sedang dia menghirup udara rimba yg segar tu, tetiba dia terdengar satu bunyi.. jeng!jeng!jeng! .. bunyi.... aauuummmmm!! ! Bunyi harimau yg kelaparan dan hanya menunggu mangsanya saja.

Jadi, si hamba Allah ni pun lari untuk menyelamatkan diri. Harimau tu kejar hamba Allah ni. Sebab dia dah lapar sangat ni. Harimau tu pun kejar, kejar, kejar dan kejar. Hamba Allah ni punyalah takut, berlari lintang pukang. Sempat juga dia berdoa agar dia diselamatkan daripada dibaham dek harimau tadi.

Dengan kuasa Allah diperlihatkan sebuah perigi di depan mata nya. Jadi untuk menyelamatkan diri si hamba Allah ni pun terjunlah ke dalam perigi. Perigi tu ada tali dan sebuah timba. Si hamba Allah ni bergayut pada tali tu. Tali tu pendek jer. Jadi dia bergantungan di tengah-tengah perigi.

Di mulut perigi, harimau yg lapar tu menunggunya. Si hamba Allah ni pun berfikirlah macam mana nak menyelamatkan diri, sambil berdoa kepada Allah agar dia diselamatkan. Tengah dok berfikir camner nak selamat, tetiba dengar bunyi kocakan air di bawah perigi.

Aaaaa!!!!... Ya Allah..... lagilah seram dibuatnya. Nak tahu ada apa kat bawah tu? Ada 2 ekor buaya yg kelaparan. Apalah nasib. Dah jatuh ditimpa tangga. lagilah takut si hamba Allah ni. Atas ada harimau bawah ada buaya. Semakin risau dan takut.

Tengah berfikir untuk mencari jalan keluar, tetiba keluar seekor tikus putih dari lubang celah-celah perigi, naik ke atas ikut tali yg hamba Allah tu bergayut. Sampai kat atas tikus tu gigit tali tu pulak. Cis, kurang ajar punya tikus. Alahhhh... cam ner ni. Pas tu, keluar lagi seekor tikus yg berwarna hitam. Naik mengikut tali tadi, cit!cit! cit!cit! sampai kat atas.Tikus hitam ni pun gigit juga tali tu. Cis, lagi satu. Macam mana aku nak buat ni... habislah jadi mangsa buaya
.
Berfikir lagi. Kalau naik kat atas makan dek harimau. Kalau tunggu tali putus dan jatuh ke bawah makan dek buaya. Macam mana nih... Sedang hamba Allah tu berfikir cam ner nak selamatkan dirinya, tetiba.... terdengar satu bunyi.... uuuuuuuuuuuuu. .. Bunyi lebah bawa madu.

Si hamba Allah ni pun mendongak ke langit, melihat lebah yg sedang bawa madu. Tetiba setitik madu terjatuh dan terus masuk ke dalam mulut si hamba Allah ni tadi. Punyalah nikmat sehingga tidak terkata.
Hamba Allah tu kata, "Fuh manisnya madu ni , tak pernah ku rasa manisnya ni. Sedapnya. Subhanallah sungguh sedap ni." kerana setitik madu si hamba Allah tu lupa pada harimau yg sedang menantinya di mulut perigi dan buaya yg menantinya di bawah

Kalau semua nak tahu ...

si Hamba Allah itu adalah kita semua. Harimau yg mengejar tu adalah maut kita, ajal memang sentiasa mengejar kita, so beringat-ingatlah.
2 ekor buaya itu adalah malaikat Munkar Dan Nakir yg menanti kita di alam kubur nanti.
Tali yg tempat di hamba bergayut tadi adalah jangka hayat kita kalau pendek talinya maka panjanglah umur kita dan kalau panjang talinya maka pendeklah umur kita.
Tikus Putih dan Hitam tu adalah dunia kita siang dan juga malam yang sentiasa menghakis umur kita. Kan tikus tu gigit tali tu.
Madu... madu yg jatuh setitik ke dalam mulut hamba itu tadi adalah nikmat dunia. Bayangkan setitik saja madu tu jatuh ke dalam mulutnya, dia lupa pada harimau dan buaya tu. Macam kitalah bila dapat nikmat sikit lupa pada Allah. Waktu susah baru la nak ingat Allah. Astaghfirullah...

A chinaman moves to Montreal , Canada and goes to a big department store looking for a job. The manager asks, 'Do you have any sales experience?' 

The man says, 'Yeah, I was a salesman back home'. Well, the manager liked the young man, so he gave him the job. 'You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did, but let me give you a bit of advice. If a customer comes looking, say, for toothpaste, you might suggest for him a toothbrush, or shaving cream etc. You get the idea?'

'Of course,' the young man said.

His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the manager came down. 'How many sales did you make today? The man says, 'One' The manager groans, 'Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales per day. How much was the sale for?' The man says, 
'$101,237.64 .' The manager exclaims, 'What? $101,237.64? What did you sell him?'

The man replied, 'First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then
I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing, and he said down at the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department, and I sold him that twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4X4 Pajero.'

The manager says 'You mean a guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and truck?!'

The man says, 'No, no, no, he came in here to buy a box of Kotex for his wife and I said,'Well, since your weekend's already screwed up you might as well go fishing.'

TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1 ST FLOOR

Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD, FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.

Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS

On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)

Once in Brazil a plane crashed, only a monkey who was traveling in the plane was left alive. Fortunately the monkey was intelligent enough to understand our language and reply in actions. The officials went to see the monkey in the hospital and had a talk with the monkey.

Officer: "When the plane took off what were the travelers doing?"
Monkey: "Tying their belts"
Officer: "What were the air hostesses doing?"
Monkey: "Saying Hello! Good morning!"
Officer: "What were the pilots doing?"
Monkey: "Checking the system"
Officer: "What were you doing?"
Monkey: "Looking for my people"

Officer: "After 10' minutes what were the travelers doing?"
Monkey: "Having beverages and snacks"
Officer: "What were the air hostesses doing?"
Monkey: "Serving the travelers"
Officer: "What were the Pilots doing?"
Monkey: "Handling the steering"
Officer: "What were you doing?"
Monkey: "Eating & throwing"

Officer: "After 30 minutes what were the travelers doing?"
Monkey: "Some were sleeping and some were reading"
Officer: "What were the air hostesses doing?"
Monkey: "Make up"
Officer: "What were the pilots doing?"
Monkey: "Handling the steering"
Officer: "What were you doing?"
Monkey: "Nothing"

Officer: "Just before plane crash what were the travelers doing?"
Monkey: "All were sleeping"
Officer: "What were the pilots doing?"
Monkey: "Handling the air hostess"
Officer: What were you doing?
Monkey: Handling the steering!!!!!

No more Questions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There are a few things that can be done in times of grave emergencies. Your mobile phone can actually be a life saver or an emergency tool for survival. Check out the things that you can do with it:

FIRST Emergency
The Emergency Number worldwide for Mobile is 112. If you find yourself out of the coverage area of your mobile; network and there is an emergency, dial 112 and the mobile will search any existing network to establish the emergency number for you, and interestingly this number 112 can be dialled even if the keypad is locked. Try it out.

SECOND Have you locked your keys in the car?
Does your car have remote keyless entry? This may come in handy someday. Good reason to own a cell phone: If you lock your keys in the car and the spare keys are at home, call someone at home on their mobile phone from your cell phone. Hold your cell phone about a foot from your car door and have the person at your home press the unlock button, holding it near the mobile phone on their end. Your car will unlock. Saves someone from having to drive your keys to you. Distance is no object. You could be hundreds of miles away, and if you can reach someone who has the other "remote" for your car, you can unlock the doors (or the trunk).
Editor's Note: It works fine! We tried it out and it unlocked our car over a mobile phone!"

THIRD Hidden Battery Power
Imagine your mobile battery is very low. To activate, press the keys *3370# Your mobile will restart with this reserve and the instrument will show a 50% increase in battery. This reserve will get charged when you charge your mobile next time.

FOURTH How to disable a STOLEN mobile phone
To check your Mobile phone's serial number, key in the following digits on your phon! e: * # 0 6 #
A 15 digit code will appear on the screen. This number is unique to your handset. Write it down and keep it somewhere safe. When your phone get stolen, you can phone your service provider and give them this code. They will then be able to block your handset so even if the thief changes the SIM card, your phone will be totally useless. You probably won't get your phone back, but at least you know that whoever stole it can't use/sell it either. If everybody does this, there would be no point in people stealing mobile phones.

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Stress Reliever # 1
Wife : You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Hubby: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife : You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Hubby: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?"

Stress Reliever # 2
Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.
Boy : It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or troubles.
Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.

Stress Reliever # 3
Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.

Stress Reliever # 4
Wife to husband: "What's your excuse for coming home at this time of the night?"
Husband to wife: "Golfing with friends, my dear."
Wife to husband: "What? At 2 am?"
Husband to wife: "Yes, We used night clubs."

Stress Reliever # 5
A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"
"Honey," the woman replied sweetly,
"I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"

Stress Reliever # 6
Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."

Stress Reliever # 7
"How was your blind date?" a college student asked her roommate.
"Terrible!" the roommate answered. "He showed up in his 1932 Rolls Royce."
Wow! That's a very expensive car. What 's so bad about that?" "He was the original owner."

Stress Reliever # 9
A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans".. "My father grows beans," said one student.
"My father cooks beans," said another.
Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all human beans."

Stress Reliever # 10
Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?"
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her?"
Millionaire: "A Billionaire"

Stress Reliever # 11
Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.
The guy replies: Thanks for the warning.

Stress Reliever # 12
A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me ? my pretty face or my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humour."

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Would like to know your mobile is original or not?!!

Type * # 06 #

After you enter the code you will see a new code contain 15 digits:

4 3 4 5 6 6 1 0 6 7 8 9 4 3 5

IF the digit number Seven & Eight is 02 or 20 that mean it was Assembly on Emirates which is very Bad quality

IF the digit number Seven & Eight is 08 or 80 that mean its manufactured in Germany which is not bad

IF the digit number Seven & Eight is 01 or 10 that mean its manufactured in Finland which is Good

IF the digit number Seven & Eight is 00 that mean its manufactured in France which is the best Mobile Quality